my mental health story

it’s mental health awareness week and I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about this topic which was and maybe still is a tabu. I grew up in a very small village and if someone was mentally ill everyone talked about it – not in a good way! the people used to judge or even broke tie with others who had to or wanted to see a therapist. this always made me feel bad – because nobody chooses to be ill or to not feel great at all.

but nevertheless I personally thought I would never be one with mental illness. I’ve always been a very happy and confident person – therefore I never had struggles with my mental health.

about one year ago my husband and me decided to try to get a baby. luckily I fell pregnant very quickly and this made me feel like the luckiest woman on earth – for about two weeks. then it hit me! it wasn’t the constant nausea that made me feel bad. it was something deep in my chest that dragged me down every single day! I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t excited – I just felt tired of everything and everyone. if you made it this far in this blogpost you probably think “you ungrateful prick” and this is exactly how I thought about myself. I mean, I was pregnant! so many other women wish to fall pregnant but can’t and pregnant me decides to make the world a sad and bad place > what an absolute prick. and me thinking like this made the situations even worse!

luckily I’m surrounded by the loveliest and most caring people in the world. they noticed my change and supported me in every possible way. however I still cried and felt bad A LOT but I tried to make small steps and just take everything a bit slower. I already wrote a blogpost about the things I do to make me feel better (btw I wrote that specific blogpost four weeks into pregnancy). so just make sure to read it if you feel bad atm.

our little babygirl is now four weeks – and I feel absolutely great (apart from the lack of sleep, but that’s fine anyway)! looking back it feels like I was surrounded by some kind of grey mist during my pregnancy and that mist flew by the second I looked into the eyes of our beautiful daughter Luna Jolie.

what I learned over the past couple of months: everyone can be affected by a mental illness. even if you think you’re the exception – don’t take your happy life for granted. and if it hits you: talk about it and take things slowly. you are enough. you are worthy. you are beautiful.

my mission is to rise my daughter to a kind human who doesn’t judge or take things for granted. I want her to grow up in a world where people can talk about their problems without getting locked out by society. so be kind, be grateful and be the kind of human you wanna be surrounded by.

love you loads.

Maruschka x

the moment she grabs your hair and your hubby gets the shot

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